Also the proud owner of a mini-van.

Once went skiing and golfing at the same time. When he suggested to the Olympic committee to incorporate a new sport, which he referred to as “Skolf,” they gently encouraged that he “dial it down a couple notches.”

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Glamor shot

Fell on the ice immediately after this video was taken.

Also went skolfing once; now has a permanent scar from a par 3 on Mt Hood.

Avid enjoyer of sharp white cheeses.

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DO NOT CLICK

Thomas, born and raised as a nobleman in the Northshire Providence in Tualatin of Oregon, heralds from a royal lineage that once boasted their claim to the Water Heater Throne. Betrayed and downcast from the Vassal State of Salem, King Calandra the 4th seeks to reclaim the crown; and with it, the heads of the betrayers.

Carson has been forklift certified since he was four years old, can do a backflip in roller skates, is currently tied for "most holes put into structures" at Saffron, and can lift up the rear end of a PT Cruiser without doing warm up stretches.

Mike has been in the plumbing industry for 30+ years.
Has since grown a mustache.

Partially retired January of 2025. Mike fully retiring is one of the seven seals that, once broken, brings about Ragnarok.

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On his first week, totaled a company van. Loves spicy food. Please offer him nothing but hot peppers, sauces, and otherwise spicy things.

Edit: HR has informed me this is a violation. Please do not give Steven peppers. The spiciest pepper he can handle is the one that went to medical school.

Was a forming member of the Beatles until Paul feared his musical genius overtaking the creativity of the band. James Hetfield cited Dallas as a reference on his resume. Once popped out of a cake for Eddie Van Halen's birthday. Also once took a diet pill nasally on a dare.

All around, just a stellar guy.