Also the proud owner of a mini-van

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Glamor shot

Fell on the ice immediately after this video was taken
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DO NOT CLICK

Lives in a basement.
No, really.

EDIT: No longer lives in a basement, but still acts like someone who would.

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Mike has been in the plumbing industry for 30+ years.
Has since grown a mustache.

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On his first week, totaled a company van. Loves spicy food. Please offer him nothing but hot peppers, sauces, and otherwise spicy things.

Edit: HR has informed me this is a violation. Please do not give Steven peppers. The spiciest pepper he can handle is the one that went to medical school.

Carson has been forklift certified since he was four years old, can do a backflip in roller skates, is currently tied for "most holes put into structures" at Saffron, and can lift up the rear end of a PT Cruiser without doing warm up stretches.

Avid frolfer. Has metal pins in leg from the first and last time he attempted skateboarding. Went to high school with Joe. There are pictures. No, you don't get to see them. The hair was a different time, man.

Also, on his first day, Steven said "you look like a Walter." So now we call him Walter.

Was a forming member of the Beatles until Paul feared his musical genius overtaking the creativity of the band. James Hetfield cited Dallas as a reference on his resume. Once popped out of a cake for Eddie Van Halen's birthday. Also once took a diet pill nasally on a dare.

All around, just a stellar guy.